January 7, 2017

It’s Saturday night, 12:08 in the morning, and here I am wide awake.  I started writing again and it feels good.

So many things I should be doing, like sleeping, but I know that isn’t going to happen.

I wrote a couple of things tonight and thought I would try this blogging thing – anonymously of course – so I have somewhere to put all of these thoughts.  I googled “blogs” and it routed me to my google.  I signed in and saw that three plus years ago I started a blog, but of course I don’t remember it.  I had to read it a few times to make sure it was mine.  Otherwise, someone was out there living a life exactly mine.  What are the chances?

So I’m back.  In my post from three years ago I wrote about the stuff happening in my life. Low and behold, not much has changed.

I’m 49 now.  So close to 50!  I’ve never been 50 before so I’m not sure what that’s supposed to be like.  Maybe this?  I suppose it’s different for everyone.

I’m still single.  I’ve dated just a little bit but it never worked out.  Lord knows I’ve had my chances, but for whatever reason, it never worked.  People tell me my “picker” is bad.  My “picker” is now grounded and I’m not sure when that will end.

Since I first posted I’ve had to move, I’ve had three back surgeries, two eye surgeries and probably more, but I’ve blocked those out.  I don’t remember December 2015 through March 2016.  I was so drugged for those months that I have very few memories.  I know they are there but it usually takes someone talking about it for any bits to push through the fog.

I’m a grandma now!  I have a 14 month old grandson and a 9-1/2 month granddaughter. Suffice it to say that I’m in love with them both. Being a grandma is the best but in my case, I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like.

I got laid off a year ago. That was a stab in my heart.  I was in between two back surgeries and got the notice.  Of course, that memory comes through the fog with no problem!

When I started to heal and feel a bit normal again I started looking for work. No success.  I took advantage of state provided education and started college in July of 2016.  I’m in my third quarter now and I have to say I’m really proud of the grades I’ve been getting.

My unemployment runs out in three weeks.  That is so scary to me as I still have yet to find a job.  I have a lead on another one that I’ll go apply for on Monday.  It’s not my dream job by any means but it will pay the bills while I go to school and look for something else.

I’m supposed to be at the point in my life where the kids move on and it’s time for me.  Well I still have one at home (well that’s where his bed is), so I’m feeling the empty nest syndrome, but right now I’m more surviving than thriving.

I am lucky though.  I have great friends and my Mom that listen to me cry and complain and they also laugh with me.  I have hope that this is a new year and great things will happen, but they aren’t going to just fall in my lap.  I wake up every day with a plan.  I must admit thought that some days the plan exhausts me and I go back to bed.

Oh, and I still have insomnia.  My sleep schedule is all over the place.  I really need to do something about that.  Every day I think this is it!  This is the day that I will have a normal schedule and sleep like other humans.  Maybe I’m a bit alien so it will just not happen for me.  I’m used to it now.

So here we go.  My blog. I’m a work in progress as we all are.  Hopefully putting my thoughts in writing will clear my mind and let me let go of the stress, but also record the great things that happen.  So here’s to a new year!



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